Learning As We Grow

NOTHING ABOUT EXISTENCE IS ACCIDENTAL Today I studied the words of Isaiah, Chapter 49. I feel like the words spoke directly to me today, as they are so relevant to my life. Through our journey with Eoin and his heart defect, I have come to know SO MANY families with children who also have heart defects...or even other defects THAT THEY WERE BORN WITH. These were defects developed during pregnancy (also called a "congenital" defect), while these sweet babies were still in the womb. I think about this often, and what the Creator's plan might be with all of this. I am often preoccupied as I think about our family's future, of Eoin's future. My heart is panged when I get to meet new moms who have just received the diagnosis that something is "not normal" about their baby. And something as severe as HLHS is initially quite shattering, because you realize that caring for a child with this defect will be a life-long, DAILY challenge. My feelings become...

Today I feel heavy. Heavy, as in...just weighed down (long sigh). I feel a bit overwhelmed with every day sort of things. It's not even BIG LIFE things. It's the day-to-day things. But I find myself in a mindset of self doubt, and just basically feeling like I suck. 😅 But truly? It's just one of those days that I can't help but also feel like I'm falling short. Falling short on EVERYTHING. 😞 I read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray, PhD, over a decade ago. Great book for multiple reasons, and I recommend every adult should read it. As I was feeling a wave of overwhelm this morning, after literally crying as I prayed to God for guidance with my day, this book came to mind. I remember that it talked about emotions and how people process emotions. It talked about how "women are like waves". Often, we will let emotions build and pile up (both good and bad). Things on our minds build and pile up. They just keep...

MEQUILLIBRIUM  For Brett's work, they offer employees and spouses free access to an online website called MEQUILLIBRIUM . It focuses on mental wellness, mindfulness, health coaching, and self-development. As an incentive, employees and spouses can earn around $50 for each activity they complete, with a max of $300 that can be earned per person. So, to earn $600 extra for just doing things like guided meditation activities, or phsychological wellness assessments, it's a no brainer. I was actually completing an activity on MeQuillibrium today. This particular activity had to do with TRAUMA. I didn't necessarily choose this activity, as it is a standard part of the course that you work through on the site. BUT, I nonetheless found it really relevant. And from the activity, I gained a new understanding of trauma that I hadn't considered before: I learned that trauma, essentially, is SUBJECTIVE. THE 4 COMPONENTS OF TRAUMA Trauma is likely to occur when one or more...

IS MEDITATION WOO-WOO? Brett hates the term "MEDITATE" . To him, "meditation " is something the hippies or new-age peeps do. It's strictly woo-woo in his mind.

YE OLDE HOUSE We live in an old house. It was built in 1976, and in that year, all the houses on our street were debuted in the " Parade of Homes ". So, we're extra cool because our house was a Parade of Homes house, right? That's kinds of a big deal. Only the best and most innovative homes are showcased in the Parade of Homes. Super cool. Except...that was 43 years ago...and some of the stuff that came from the mid 70's is just plain weird. We love our house. It's a good house, and it's been good to us. BUT, being from the 70's, and never having had any major updates since then, there are a lot of odd things about the place. I think one of the most dangerous things a homeowner can do when they own an older house is to watch HGTV and other design shows. For me, it's both agonizing and inspiring. I'll fall in love with styles I see on Property Brothers or Fixer Upper (yaaaasss!), and then my wheels will start spinning in my head. I'll g...

It's been nearly a year and a half since I've posted anything on this blog. Doesn't that happen so frequently in life? People get excited about new endeavors, and they start something strong...but then it fades. And it seems that is exactly what happened with me. I was not dedicated enough to make my blogging a priority. But hey. I've been through just about the BUSIEST 2, even 3 years of my LIFE. So I'm not too hard on myself. I'm just acknowledging that I could have done better. My original intent for this blog was to be a space where I could communicate updates to my family and friends about Eoin's health status and conditions. With something as complex as what he deals with, I didn't want to have to answer the same questions over and over again, with the time and depth required to explain things properly. So writing IN DETAIL and sharing on the blog was a good idea. It was easy enough to post a link in emails or on Facebook. But beside that, I wa...

Today I recovered a thought that I had written back in September of LAST YEAR (see below). As I reflect back on how I was feeling 14 months ago, I am just filled with so much gratefulness (perfect for Thanksgiving time, right? GRATITUDE.). I'm not going to lie. It has been a REALLY challenging year. Actually, it's been a REALLY challenging 3 years! (Three years ago this Thanksgiving, my beautiful mother was in the hospital for strange and severe stomach pains. Then, three years ago next month, after a few weeks of evaluation, she was diagnosed with stage-4 cancer. She battled her cancer like a warrior, but her body had different plans. Two years ago this coming January, we had to say goodbye to her. Six months after my mom passed away, we were so thrilled to find out that we were pregnant with an incredible gift from God! What a happy blessing it was during a very sad and heavy time. We experienced a crushing blip in our joy when we found out that our perfect, amazing little bo...

REFLECTION It was 10 weeks ago that we received the diagnosis about our baby during a routine prenatal ultrasound at 20 weeks. And let me tell you, what and interesting 10 weeks it's been. Interesting....and overwhelming, heavy, challenging, terrifying, prayerful, full of gratitude, hope, faith, and love. It's been some of the most life-changing 10 weeks of my existence. I love this picture of the baby. It shows his sweet little profile, but you can also see the obvious asymmetry of his heart, and that he left side is so tiny. I look at this picture and already know that he's a fighter. He inspires me to be my best FOR HIM so we can work through this and conquer his CHD together. I remember the first meeting we had with the cardiologist when he was going over the results of the fetal echocardiogram. The final diagnosis:  Hypoplastic Left heart Syndrome  (HLHS), one of the most severe congenital heart defects a person can have. It is fatal without...

My morning starting out in a frustrating fervor as I was racing to get all the kids in the car. My 1st grader has a field trip today, and we got so many emails and notices from the teacher about "make sure to not be late!" that I already had anxiety about the possibility of being late. Not that I was procrastinating this morning, but it takes a LOT of time to get 5 kids (ages 8 and younger) out of bed, dressed, fed, out the door, in the car, and get to a destination ON TIME that is 15-20 minutes away. We were all in the car, buckled in and ready to go at the last possible minute to still be within our "safe zone" of time where I could comfortably get the kids to school on time, regardless of traffic. So we were okay. Until I turned the key. The engine was wanting to turn over, but sounded tired and sluggish. I turned the key a couple more times, and our sad engine sounded like it was winding down. I took out the key, and inspected for any lights that may have be...