What is Trauma? How to Find Healing

MEQUILLIBRIUM 

For Brett's work, they offer employees and spouses free access to an online website called MEQUILLIBRIUM. It focuses on mental wellness, mindfulness, health coaching, and self-development. As an incentive, employees and spouses can earn around $50 for each activity they complete, with a max of $300 that can be earned per person. So, to earn $600 extra for just doing things like guided meditation activities, or phsychological wellness assessments, it's a no brainer. I was actually completing an activity on MeQuillibrium today. This particular activity had to do with TRAUMA. I didn't necessarily choose this activity, as it is a standard part of the course that you work through on the site. BUT, I nonetheless found it really relevant. And from the activity, I gained a new understanding of trauma that I hadn't considered before: I learned that trauma, essentially, is SUBJECTIVE.

THE 4 COMPONENTS OF TRAUMA

Trauma is likely to occur when one or more of these situations are met:

1. How unexpected the event was 
2. How much power or control you felt you had over the situation 
3. Whether it was a one-time event or occurred repeatedly 
4. Whether someone acted upon you maliciously

So if you think you're working through processing and healing from traumatic events, ask youreself the following from MeQuillibrium:

Which of these factors resonates with your experience of trauma? How do you think it has affected you personally? (Note: Could be more than one)

Take that question, and write down your thoughts. (Journal writing can be a very powerful therapeutic tool).

HEALING FROM MY OWN PERSONAL TRAUMA 

When it comes to challenges I have faced and am still facing, I think I am generally pretty good at maintaining a proper level of mental health. Sometimes I struggle with feelings of anxiety about the future. Occasionally, things will pop up that bring me back to that headspace from what I now recognize as traumatic past events.
This past week, I had a nightmare, and this particular nightmare is kind of a recurring theme that I will experience every couple months or so. The nightmare is of me having to take Eoin back to the hospital for another heart surgery. It always feels SO REAL. The "real-ness" comes from the many weeks that we've spent at Primary Children's Hospital, and the fact that my brain was able to collect a lot of sensory information. So in my dreams, everything is so vivid. From the surgeon's voice to the beeping of the machines, to the cold feeling of the rooms, to the shiny white hospital tiles, to the sterile smell of everything. The details are there. Because these dreams are so vivid, they can be scary and disturbing to me. I wake up usually in tears or panic, feeling like I've actually been back in that atmosphere, and it just makes me dread the day we will actually need to take him back. I always think, "I don't want to go back. I don't want to take him back there."

Above are some images I pulled from our INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT. When I think of the hospital, I think of this. I think of the tubes. I think of my baby's tired, sickly, sunken-eyes. I think of the stitches and the medical dressings to cover his wounds. I think of the medical team members and their scrubs. I think of the distance; the hour drive time I'd take each day to go the hospital while I left my other kids at home so I could be with the one in the hospital, and then the hour drive back home where I'd sleep, but my baby would feel so far away from me. I think of the care required at home when he was no longer in-patient (look at all the medicine syringes I had to constantly clean out). It was a difficult chapter in our lives. But, I also realize that to go back to that setting someday in the future is a necessary inevitability for us. He needs more surgeries and medical intervention in order to stay alive, and he will depend on the life-giving care that only our wonderful Children's hospital can give him.

We are so lucky that he is really just a normal little boy right now, and that those pictures above are a memory rather than a constant. Today at 17 months old, he is surpassing milestones and toddling around. If you didn't know him, you would NEVER guess that he had such a rocky first year, or that he faces uncertainty in the future. It is a fact that he will struggle with this life-long heart issue, that he will have a forever compromised immune system, and that he has a shorter life expectancy than most people. (Think of the term "invisible disability".) Despite this, I know that the future is bright and God is with us, and He is constantly guiding us and inspiring us as we care for His son.

My own traumatic experiences have made me think a lot about PTSD. I remember when I would hear even the microwave beep, it would put me on total edge for a while. It would make me think of the monitors in the hospital, and when they would beep when Eoin's heart rate would go too high, or his oxygen levels would go too low. In a hospital, beeping means something is not right. So when I would hear the beep of the microwave, or of timers, I would immediately get rigid. I would want to instantly turn off whatever was making that noise and take it out of the house so I would never have to listen to THAT SOUND again. Over time, it's gotten better, and I can go throughout my day and not be bothered by normal beeping things. And I'm okay. But it does make me think about how PTSD affects my life right now. Interestingly, I've read studies that have shown the prominence of PTSD in caregivers of those who are medically fragile, and who have spent lots of time in the hospital. These people are just as prone to developing PTSD as military veterans are.

SO, WHAT IS TRAUMA? (NEW THINGS I LEARNED) 

In the MeQuillibrium activity, I found this interesting to reflect upon. It said: "Trauma is defined by the American Psychological Association as an emotional response to a terrible life event. Because it's based on your response, trauma is subjective. And while there are a number of factors that affect how you might react to what happened, it's not the objective facts of the situation that determine whether an event was traumatic, but rather, the way you experience the event. That means there is no right or wrong way to experience trauma. In most cases of trauma, there is a destruction or challenging of Iceberg Beliefs--our beliefs about the way we think the world should work. We form these Icebergs to help us feel safe, and when these beliefs are shattered or challenged, we feel the loss of a safety signal. Our sense of order is disrupted. However, you can rebuild these beliefs with enough time and self-care, and you can come out stronger and more resilient than before." 

Trauma is subjective. Trauma is about perspective. That's why there is hope if you are a trauma survivor. You can retrain your brain to work through the struggles and the memories. Sometimes with trauma, your world is shattered. But you can take the rubble, assess the situation for what it is, and rebuild yourself so you can not only function and survive, but THRIVE and continue to develop into your best self.

SELF-CARE PLAN: EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, AND PHYSICAL 

From MeQuillibrium: "There's no quick fix for recovery from trauma, but there are ways to move through the process of healing with more ease by focusing on your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. ... Research shows that everyone's trajectory of healing is different. Change doesn't happen overnight, or even in a linear manner. Your "good" days and "bad" days may look different than they used to, and that's okay. Resilience will give you the tools you need to rebuild and find relief as you heal. Patience is key. Giving yourself the care you deserve will ensure that you have enough resources to work on recovery." 

Keep in mind things that you can do to bolster your emotional health, your mental health, and your physical health.

Emotional: 

• Build a good support network. Recognize who you can turn to when you're needing help. 
• Write down "If/Then" statements, so when reactions to trauma emerge, you have a game plan for how to react. 
• Some of mine: If I am feeling depressed, I will call my best friend or a sibling and talk to them on the phone. 
• If I am feeling overwhelmed, I will call in some backup and have my mother-in-law, my aunt, or a sister-in-law over to help me tidy up and get the house back on track. 
• If I am feeling isolated, I will connect with my husband and share my burdens with him. I will talk to him so that I can feel we are on the same page and that I am not alone. I will also attend church activities and connect with different women from my church family. I know many members of our church family love me and want to help lift me up where they can.
• Practice meditation and different mindfulness techniques. 

Mental: 

• Set up routines that will make your day more predictable and feeling more "in control". Have a morning routine. Have an evening routine. Do things that will bring predictability and wellness into your life. 
• I love the book "The Miracle Morning" by Hal Elrod.
  
  In this book, it outlines a simple morning routine that you can practice to center yourself for the day, and really lay the foundation for balance, productivity, and reaching personal goals both small and large. The author suggests doing the following 6 things for ten minutes every morning. Or, if that isn't feasible, just try to make time during your day to accomplish these 6 things here and there before you go to bed each night:
• 1. Scribe: Write in a journal, write down daily goals, write a thank you card. Just take 10 minutes to write. 
• 2. Affirmations: speak aloud some affirmations. Make a list of personal beliefs you want to live. "I am"/"I can" statements, or more advanced affirmations. (Example: “I can learn by truly listening to others.”) 
• 3. Visualizations: Us a vision board. Take a moment to visualize goals, visualize realities that you want to see in your life. What do you want your life to look like? What things do you want? What experiences do you wish for? close your eyes, and visualize these things as vividly as possible. 
• 4. Exercise: 10 minutes of stretching in the morning. Make 10 minutes for a run, or a walk, or a yoga session. 
• 5. Read: Work through a self-development book. Take time to study inspirational addresses. Read the word of God. (I usually use this time for personal scripture study.) 
• 6. Silence: Take time to sit in silence. Pray, meditate, practice mindfulness or breathing exercise in solitude. It will refresh you. 
• If needed, talk with a professional. See a therapist. Take medication if needed. 
• GET A GOOD NIGHT SLEEP. 

Physical: 

• Be active. Make a plan, and do something deliberately active for at least 10 minutes a day. (If you have kids around you all the time like I do, plan walks to the park, neighborhood walks, family outings. Walk your dog. Do yoga at home with the kids. Help them to develop good habits to be involved with exercise.) 
• Eat well. Eat foods that are good for your body, that will nourish your body and mind, that will give you energy for the things you face during the day. 
• Make a weekly meal plan and shop so you have everything at home. Avoid eating out. (We are following the Mediterranean diet and love it. We make things from scratch, and have cut out unnecessary sugars and processed foods from our family's diet. The Mediterranean Diet is also praised for being very heart-healthy. There is a peace of mind knowing that the food we eat is taking care of our hearts especially, along with the rest of our bodies. We've been using THIS BOOK and love it!)
  
• Have a stash of healthy snacks for when you're on the go. (On had, I always have a stash of Larabars, unsweetened organic applesauce, a nut mix, veggie chips, fresh fruit.) 
• Drink lots of WATER. (Brain function increases when you're hydrated. If you're in the midst of trauma, or recovering from trauma, sometimes you need to rely on a heightened mental clarity. Being hydrated helps this.)

TRAUMA CAN BE OVERCOME. YOU CAN BE BETTER AND STRONGER. 

There are things you can devote to your own personal care to overcome the effects of trauma. Traumatic events do not have to dismantle your life. You can rebuild, and rebuild things BETTER than before. 

On MeQuillibrium, it suggests you rebuild iceberg beliefs. "What do you do when your belief system falls apart? You examine the rubble--then rebuild. A balanced belief system is a strong belief system. The key is realistic optimism, or combining a positive outlook with a matter-of-fact perspective. There's a reason you formed your Iceberg in the first place--it served you. Use the parts that still serve you to form an Iceberg that suits you now, based in realistic optimism."

My mom would always say "It is what it is". As in, you can't change it. So you need to take the situation, be realistic about it, and figure out what you need to do to move forward. When trying to "rebuild yourself" through any challenge, you need to take time to assess the realities and limitations, but try your best to move forward with optimism. That is something we can ALL do, wherever we our in our journeys, right now, today.