NOTHING ABOUT EXISTENCE IS ACCIDENTAL
Today I studied the words of Isaiah, Chapter 49. I feel like the words spoke directly to me today, as they are so relevant to my life.Through our journey with Eoin and his heart defect, I have come to know SO MANY families with children who also have heart defects...or even other defects THAT THEY WERE BORN WITH. These were defects developed during pregnancy (also called a "congenital" defect), while these sweet babies were still in the womb.
I think about this often, and what the Creator's plan might be with all of this. I am often preoccupied as I think about our family's future, of Eoin's future. My heart is panged when I get to meet new moms who have just received the diagnosis that something is "not normal" about their baby. And something as severe as HLHS is initially quite shattering, because you realize that caring for a child with this defect will be a life-long, DAILY challenge. My feelings become tender when I see the anxiety of other medical parents (especially the worry from our CHD mom & dad friends) who NEVER FORGET that their child is fragile, that each beat of their child's heart is a miracle.
Today in my reading, I was reminded that nothing about existence is accidental to our Heavenly Father.
In Isaiah 49:5, it says:
"The Lord that formed me from the womb to be his servant
...yet shall I be glorious in the eyes of the Lord, and my God shall be my strength."
This verse, to me, sums up the purpose of Eoin's life. And EVERYBODY'S life, really.
So often, these mamas of children born with congenital defects often question, "What did I do that made this happen? Was it a medication I took? Was it something I ate? Was I too stressed? Did I not sleep enough? Was I exposed to something that caused this?" (A woman has so much on her shoulders during pregnancy. The baby's well-being is all on her. So it is hard to NOT think that a baby's defect in not her fault. Sometimes, IT IS from something environmental that she drank or ingested or was exposed to while her baby was developing. But it our case, we were assured by both my OB and our cardiologist, that HLHS is a defect that "just happens". It occurs with people from a variety of backgrounds, geographical locations, socio-economic levels, etc. IT JUST HAPPENS.
But my question is this: Does it really "just happen", or is it part of something bigger?
If you believe in God, you believe that He is the Creator of all. For Eoin's case, I truly in my heart believe that God was part of Eoin's creation, that He not only knew that Eoin would have this defect but that it was a deliberate and intentional part of his development while in the womb. I also believe that Eoin, despite his half-functioning heart, is GLORIOUS in the eyes of the Lord still, and that he was meant to experience life with his defect in order to be a better servant of the Lord. That is just part of Eoin's earthly mission. He was given a broken body, but God shall be his strength.
To any of you out there contemplating the reason "WHY" for your baby, please read Isaiah chapter 49. There are so many words and phrases that speak to a divine perspective regarding each person's individual human existence. Let me share a few that jumped out to me.
ISAIAH 49
verse 1:"...the Lord hath called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of my name."
My personal notes on this verse: We each have a divine mission. We were each "called from the womb" and sent here at our specific time and place with the specific body that we have for a deliberate purpose. We each have a specific calling from God to fulfill. Consider: what is that calling?
verse 5:
"The Lord that formed me from the womb to be his servant
...yet shall I be glorious in the eyes of the Lord, and my God shall be my strength."
My personal notes on this verse: The Lord formed us from the womb. Nothing is accidental, I think. Our physicality, our limitations, even our abnormalities were formed within us by the Creator. We are glorious in His eyes. Do we view ALL his creations as glorious also? We were formed as we were intended to be, and that our physical bodies would allow us to be the best servants we could be for our particular earthly missions.
verse 8:
"...and in a day of salvation have I helped thee: and I will preserve thee"verse 9:
"...show yourselves"
verse 10:
"...for he that hath mercy on them shall lead them"
My personal notes on these verses: The Lord will help us through our journeys. He loves us. He has mercy on us, and he helps us through our trials and difficulties. He shall lead us, opening the doors and showing the pathway, as we try our best to fulfill His purposes. What we can do is "show ourselves" and raise awareness, in a sense. We can be aware of His influence, and praise His mercies to others, so that those who are also His creations may be uplifted and inspired and strengthened as well.
verse 13:
"Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains: for the Lord hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted."
My personal notes on this verse: Celebrate life and be joyful! Life is a glorious gift! Every breath we take, every beat of our heart, is a gift that should be cherished and celebrated.
verses 14-16:
"14 But Zion said, The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me.
15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.
16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me."
My personal notes on these verses: Sometimes we may feel forgotten by the Lord. Especially when we are in are darkest moments, struggling through our hardest trials. Or sometimes life is just fine, but we feel a disconnect with a divine Creator. But when we feel forgotten, REALIZE THAT WE ARE NOT. It is IMPOSSIBLE for Him to forget us. It is more impossible that the likelihood of a mother forgetting an infant child who is dependent on her for everything. For he says that "Yea, they may forget, yet I will not forget..." We are graven upon the palms of His hands, and he NEVER FORGETS US.
verse 23:
"...for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me."
My personal notes on this verse: Just with my experiences with Eoin, and as I've seen how our family has been led by the hand of the Lord so that Eoin could have the care and support he needs, (so that each member our family can have the care and support they need) it has made me hyper-aware of the Lord's mercies. WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN SO MUCH! And because of that, I feel ungrateful if I do not take the time to praise Him for ALL that He gives to us. I am NOT ashamed of the gospel of Christ. I am NOT ashamed to say that I wait for him... that I wait for His comfort, His guidance, for the promises that He said he will fulfill. My love, my gratitude, my debt to Him is so immense.
I feel like just as Eoin has a divine mission, I have one as well. And part of that divine mission is for me to use my words. To show the world that none of us are forgotten by our Savior. To document our family's life, to share our experiences and memories in order to help others know of the miracles we receive daily. I will proclaim His glory joyfully, and I will use our experiences to glorify Him.
IT'S A DAILY THING
As a mother, I rely on God each day to get me through. I have learned that I CANNOT do it on my own. I CANNOT function on my own. I am not strong enough by myself.That is so hard to admit sometimes...but it's true! When I start to move away from Him and His truths, that is when I am overpowered by my weaknesses. That is when the pressure gets to me. That is when I become engulfed by overwhelm. That is when my patience disappears, and my hope vanishes. When I move away from Him, I cannot be the mom I want to be. I am limited.
BUT, the good news for me is that it's okay! I am human. Of course I have weaknesses and limitations. My flaws are part of who I am. I am able to be encouraged by the truth that weak things can be made strong, through Christ. The apostle Paul declared this truth in 2 Corinthians 12:9 when he taught: "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
I know that it is only through His grace that I am able to get through each day successfully. Through some of my trials that have acted as a refiner's fire, I have learned so carefully, how to rely on His Spirit to guide me throughout my day. (I hope that I never forget how to hear the Spirit. It is a priceless gift as a mother.)
We may all deal with infirmities, with defects of character, mind, or body, with imperfections...yet, we are still glorious to Him. We are perfect to Him, because we are His creations. And He LOVES His creations. Because of that, He is with us on our journey. He supports and guides us. He strengthens us we when are weak. He can make our burdens light when we turn to Him. We can have hope, always.
So as we journey through life, we should keep hope in His promises. We should celebrate life each day, and find joy in our existence! We should take time to serve those around us and be kind to others. We should look deep inside of ourselves and consider what our divine mission is during our time on earth...and heed guidance from the Spirit as we work to fulfill those divine purposes. We each have light and goodness in us that is meant to be shared with those around us. Hold strong to hope, stay close to God, and miracles will happen.
For additional reading, check out this inspirational message titled "Adversity and the Divine Purpose of Mortality" by Ronald E. Poelman.
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