Learning As We Grow

REFLECTION It was 10 weeks ago that we received the diagnosis about our baby during a routine prenatal ultrasound at 20 weeks. And let me tell you, what and interesting 10 weeks it's been. Interesting....and overwhelming, heavy, challenging, terrifying, prayerful, full of gratitude, hope, faith, and love. It's been some of the most life-changing 10 weeks of my existence. I love this picture of the baby. It shows his sweet little profile, but you can also see the obvious asymmetry of his heart, and that he left side is so tiny. I look at this picture and already know that he's a fighter. He inspires me to be my best FOR HIM so we can work through this and conquer his CHD together. I remember the first meeting we had with the cardiologist when he was going over the results of the fetal echocardiogram. The final diagnosis:  Hypoplastic Left heart Syndrome  (HLHS), one of the most severe congenital heart defects a person can have. It is fatal without...

My morning starting out in a frustrating fervor as I was racing to get all the kids in the car. My 1st grader has a field trip today, and we got so many emails and notices from the teacher about "make sure to not be late!" that I already had anxiety about the possibility of being late. Not that I was procrastinating this morning, but it takes a LOT of time to get 5 kids (ages 8 and younger) out of bed, dressed, fed, out the door, in the car, and get to a destination ON TIME that is 15-20 minutes away. We were all in the car, buckled in and ready to go at the last possible minute to still be within our "safe zone" of time where I could comfortably get the kids to school on time, regardless of traffic. So we were okay. Until I turned the key. The engine was wanting to turn over, but sounded tired and sluggish. I turned the key a couple more times, and our sad engine sounded like it was winding down. I took out the key, and inspected for any lights that may have be...

I was driving yesterday, dropping kids off at school. On my way home, a song came on the radio that I've heard a hundred times. It's by an Australian christian band called for KING & COUNTRY , and the song is " Oh, God Forgive Us ". (You can read the full lyrics and listen to part of the song here .) It's a slow and somber song, with a reverent melody. It's on the radio station a lot, but I guess I had never listened closely to the lyrics before. Yesterday morning, though, the song had a resonating message for me. The line that made me rethink the meaning of the song is this: A slave to our uncertainty  Help us with our unbelief  Oh, oh God forgive us I realized that the song is not about asking for forgiveness because of grave sins or mistakes (like I thought it was before). Rather, it's more about asking forgiveness for not trusting in the will of the Lord, and instead letting uncertainty and doubt overrule our faith. The line "He...

Three days ago, we were able to have our "big" meeting with the official cardiologist. We ended up there after first being referred to a Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) specialist after my regular OB found an abnormality with the baby's heart at our 20-week ultrasound, and then the MFM referred us to the pediatric cardiologist. When we initially met with the MFM specialist, she concluded that the baby did have an obvious defect. She gave me some literature to read on Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome saying that "this is probably what it is", talked with us for a bit, and then told us that we would need to meet with a pediatric cardiologist and have an echocardiogram in order for the baby to be properly and officially diagnosed. THE ECHOCARDIOGRAM: Fast forward to this past Wednesday. We got there 45 minutes early, anxious, and hoping they could get us in before the appointment time. We waited there for 45 minutes. Go figure. :) We were called back, and first ha...

WHY GREEN CLEANING? After my mom was diagnosed with cancer in December 2015, I took that as a wake-up call for our family to be more aware of the things that come in contact with our bodies. The food we eat, the things we have constant exposure to, and the overall care and awareness we have for our health...this all became more important to me than ever before. My first step was making a shift to green, homemade cleaners. I wanted to know EVERYTHING that was going into the cleaners that helped disinfect and cleanse the surfaces of where we ate, sat, slept or touched, and took special care for things that would specifically go on or into our bodies. I learned so many wonderful things as I started on my "green" mission. It was great to become more self-sufficient, to understand the science behind cleaning, and to realize how unnecessarily commercialized cleaning products had become. I cut out anything from my house that was toxic, and contained health warnings. If t...

The following is an email I sent out to family after we confirmed some findings about the baby: We got some news about the baby that I wanted to share. On Monday, at my 20-week ultrasound, they found an abnormality with the baby's heart. Everything else is fine. He's growing right on schedule and looks anatomically sound in every other way. My doctor wouldn't tell me anything too specific about his heart other than it appears that the left side is underdeveloped. This ultrasound was "meant to be a screen" to discover any possible concerns that needed a closer look. He sent us to a fetal medicine specialist, whom we saw today. She confirmed that the baby's left side is very underdeveloped. She said it looks like a complex condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome. We're going to another specialist next week at primary children's hospital to have an in-depth echocardiogram and an even more intense look at the baby's heart. They will be abl...

About 2 years ago, I noticed how my oldest son (then in 1st grade), had some struggles and frustrations with his classroom and the general style of public school. In 2nd grade, it got worse for him. My son just had a really difficult classroom environment, and a teacher that was not necessarily nurturing or loving. I hated the emphasis on homework and really felt like if these little elementary-aged kids got home at 4pm, they should not have to do an hour plus of homework after being in the classroom for 7 hours. When did they get time to explore the backyard, or play, or have fun? When did they get time to just be a KID and not worry about grades that they got on a spelling test or a math worksheet? I also didn't love the things that my child was exposed to at school. Some of that came from other students, and some of it came from the curriculum or the teachers themselves. It was not always wholesome. I decided to look into homeschool. LUCKILY, I am blessed to be surrounded by s...