I was driving yesterday, dropping kids off at school. On my way home, a song came on the radio that I've heard a hundred times. It's by an Australian christian band called for KING & COUNTRY, and the song is "Oh, God Forgive Us". (You can read the full lyrics and listen to part of the song here.)
It's a slow and somber song, with a reverent melody. It's on the radio station a lot, but I guess I had never listened closely to the lyrics before. Yesterday morning, though, the song had a resonating message for me.
The line that made me rethink the meaning of the song is this:
I realized that the song is not about asking for forgiveness because of grave sins or mistakes (like I thought it was before). Rather, it's more about asking forgiveness for not trusting in the will of the Lord, and instead letting uncertainty and doubt overrule our faith.
The line "Help us with our unbelief" immediately brought to mind the story from St. Mark in the New Testament, of the father who brought his son to Christ in order to be healed.
St. Mark 9:17, 23-24
17 And one of the multitude answered and said, Master, I have brought unto thee my son...
23 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.
(The full account of this the story can be read in Mark 9:14-29.)
That was a great message for me to consider yesterday. I know that not everyone is religious, and that's okay. We're blessed to exist in a world where we can believe and live how we choose. For me, I believe in God, and it gives me hope. ESPECIALLY when I'm going through really difficult and emotionally taxing times. My faith gives me hope.
It's been 3 weeks since our first ultrasound where my OB found the heart anomaly. Since that day, it has been a whirlwind of contacts with specialists, trying to learn and understand all we can, and accepting our new reality that our baby, as he is right now, will face very scary medical procedures, and will have life-long health concerns because of his heart. I've had to take time to think a lot about why this happened, and, if this truly is part of God's plan, why our family needs to experience this.
When, as a parent, you're faced with serious medical issues with your child, you try to search for answers and solutions anywhere, and you're willing to do anything in order to protect your child and make him or her well. This situation for our baby is a very scary one for me. I am HOPEFUL that he can get through these major heart surgeries, and heal, and have a somewhat normal life...but I really don't know. The uncertainty and the doubt creeps into my mind. I wake up in the middle of the night and think about the "what if's". I visualize what those first few hours after he's born will be like. (Will I even be able to hold him in my arms before they take him away?) I think about what it will be like when he's in the hospital for a month and I need to be in two places at once (at home, and at the hospital). I think about what it will be like when he comes home for the first time, and is "on his own", and there won't be any nurses standing by to help him if needed. That will be MY job.
I relate to the father from the account in Mark more than ever. I bring my concerns about my son to the Lord multiple times a day in prayer, and I tell him, "Lord, I believe". But how MUCH do I actually believe? Do I believe enough that the Savior and creator of all can heal this child, and that miracles can happen? Yes, I do. Then, do I believe enough to trust the Savior, even if he chooses NOT to heal my child? That's a big one. It's the challenge for me right now...finding peace in the plan and the will of the Lord, no matter WHAT the outcome is.
I've seen His hand already as I've gone through these past 3 weeks. I've seen how he has guided our family to be where we are, so we can have the best medical care, and support network for this situation. I have a new appreciation for living in Utah. We are blessed to have LOTS of extended family here, who are willing to jump in and help whenever we need it. We have made great friends with our church group and neighbors, and I know I can count on many of them at a moment's notice. We have access to one of the top-ranked hospitals IN THE COUNTRY for pediatric cardiology and surgery. I wasn't even aware of that until last week. What a BLESSING that is! He continues to open doors and provide us solutions to feel His perfect love, and to experience comfort in this situation.
Like this father from the story, "I believe"... but I need to be better at having the perspective to perfectly accept the plan that God has designed for me, for my little boy, and for my family. I pray that the Lord can allow me to recognize and see His hand clearly, so he can help me with my unbelief.
Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.
It's a slow and somber song, with a reverent melody. It's on the radio station a lot, but I guess I had never listened closely to the lyrics before. Yesterday morning, though, the song had a resonating message for me.
The line that made me rethink the meaning of the song is this:
A slave to our uncertainty
Help us with our unbelief
Oh, oh God forgive us
I realized that the song is not about asking for forgiveness because of grave sins or mistakes (like I thought it was before). Rather, it's more about asking forgiveness for not trusting in the will of the Lord, and instead letting uncertainty and doubt overrule our faith.
The line "Help us with our unbelief" immediately brought to mind the story from St. Mark in the New Testament, of the father who brought his son to Christ in order to be healed.
St. Mark 9:17, 23-24
17 And one of the multitude answered and said, Master, I have brought unto thee my son...
23 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.
(The full account of this the story can be read in Mark 9:14-29.)
That was a great message for me to consider yesterday. I know that not everyone is religious, and that's okay. We're blessed to exist in a world where we can believe and live how we choose. For me, I believe in God, and it gives me hope. ESPECIALLY when I'm going through really difficult and emotionally taxing times. My faith gives me hope.
It's been 3 weeks since our first ultrasound where my OB found the heart anomaly. Since that day, it has been a whirlwind of contacts with specialists, trying to learn and understand all we can, and accepting our new reality that our baby, as he is right now, will face very scary medical procedures, and will have life-long health concerns because of his heart. I've had to take time to think a lot about why this happened, and, if this truly is part of God's plan, why our family needs to experience this.
When, as a parent, you're faced with serious medical issues with your child, you try to search for answers and solutions anywhere, and you're willing to do anything in order to protect your child and make him or her well. This situation for our baby is a very scary one for me. I am HOPEFUL that he can get through these major heart surgeries, and heal, and have a somewhat normal life...but I really don't know. The uncertainty and the doubt creeps into my mind. I wake up in the middle of the night and think about the "what if's". I visualize what those first few hours after he's born will be like. (Will I even be able to hold him in my arms before they take him away?) I think about what it will be like when he's in the hospital for a month and I need to be in two places at once (at home, and at the hospital). I think about what it will be like when he comes home for the first time, and is "on his own", and there won't be any nurses standing by to help him if needed. That will be MY job.
I relate to the father from the account in Mark more than ever. I bring my concerns about my son to the Lord multiple times a day in prayer, and I tell him, "Lord, I believe". But how MUCH do I actually believe? Do I believe enough that the Savior and creator of all can heal this child, and that miracles can happen? Yes, I do. Then, do I believe enough to trust the Savior, even if he chooses NOT to heal my child? That's a big one. It's the challenge for me right now...finding peace in the plan and the will of the Lord, no matter WHAT the outcome is.
I've seen His hand already as I've gone through these past 3 weeks. I've seen how he has guided our family to be where we are, so we can have the best medical care, and support network for this situation. I have a new appreciation for living in Utah. We are blessed to have LOTS of extended family here, who are willing to jump in and help whenever we need it. We have made great friends with our church group and neighbors, and I know I can count on many of them at a moment's notice. We have access to one of the top-ranked hospitals IN THE COUNTRY for pediatric cardiology and surgery. I wasn't even aware of that until last week. What a BLESSING that is! He continues to open doors and provide us solutions to feel His perfect love, and to experience comfort in this situation.
Like this father from the story, "I believe"... but I need to be better at having the perspective to perfectly accept the plan that God has designed for me, for my little boy, and for my family. I pray that the Lord can allow me to recognize and see His hand clearly, so he can help me with my unbelief.
Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.
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